South Park Gender Bent
by TheStepBrothers
Summary: EVERYONE in South Park is the opposite gender, for reasons that will be revealed later in the story. They are also all teenagers.
1. Chapter 1

Sunlight streamed through the window, arousing Erica Cartman up from her sleep.

"Go away sun," she grumbled, rolling over and pulling the sheets over her head.

The sun, since it does not rhyme or reason, just ignored the young lass.

"Deeeed! The sun won't go awayyy!" Erica whined. She was sitting up in bed now, shielding her tired blue eyes from the rays of the evil sun.

"Well, Poopsykins it IS the first day of summer, that is the time where the sun shines a lot more than in winter time," Leonard, Erica's dad, said in his usual chipper tone.

"But it woke me up too early! It's only," Erica glanced over at her alarm clock, "One oh two pm!"

"Well, Daddy's going to go to the store, go have fun with your friends!" Mr Cartman exclaimed.

Erica groaned and climbed out of bed, she was already awake, she might as well get ready, and see what the day had to offer.

The first thing she did, once she got up, was pull out her pink RAZR flip phone, to call her frenemy Kylie.

"Hello?" Kylie answered the phone with a sigh.

"Hey Jew, I have a RAZR and you just have a Blackberry nah nah nah nah nah pzzzzt!"

Erica pulled her tongue back in her mouth, and frowned when she was hit by the sounds of a dial tone.

She thought about calling the Jew back, but then decided against it, she didn't want to use up all her minutes. Even though she had a fancier phone, she didn't have unlimited text and talk like Kylie did.

She decided to go get dressed. She put on a pair of brown shorts, that reached her knees, a red sweater, and a pair of red jelly shoes. Underneath her clothes, she wore a 38DD bra, that was white with flowers on it, and a pair of brown granny panties.

She ran a brush through her chin length, light brown hair, and put some lip gloss on her lips.

"I look fabulous! Much better than that Jew Kylie!" she told herself, before blowing a kiss to her reflection.

* * *

On the poor side of town, Kendra McCormick was eating a bowl of ramen for lunch. That day, she decided to wear an orange halter top/belly shirt, with a mini leather skirt, and orange high heels. She wasn't wearing any undergarments on underneath it, because they hadn't done the laundry in three months.

When she finished eating, she decided to pay a visit to see her friends. However, she didn't get too far before she walked right into a stop sigh, dying on impact.

"Good practice everyone!" Stephanie Marsh exclaimed. She was the captain of the South Park Cows softball team, and they had just finished their first practice of the summer season.

"Thanks Steph," Bonnie Donovan grinned.

"You're welcome Bon, you've really improved this year!" Stephanie praised the girl. Last year, Bonnie couldn't even hit the ball, and today she had hit a double!

When Stephanie got home, she took a shower, and when she was finished, she put on a pair of blue jeans, a blue t-shirt, and a pair of blue converse. Underneath it, she had on a pair of blue boyshorts, and a blue 36A bra. She put her shoulder length black hair up into a ponytail with a blue rubber band. She then pulled out her Nokia, and called her best friend Kylie.

"Hey Steph, what's up?" Kylie asked, she sounded a bit irritated, and Steph knew that it was probably due to Erica Cartman.

"Do you wanna hang out and play the VIVE with me?" Stephanie asked.

"Yea, as long as Cartman doesn't come, you know she loves to hog the thing," Kylie replied with a sigh.

"You know Cartman always shows up, whether we want her to or not," Steph bit her bottom lip and thought of something else they could do.

"I know! Let's go the movies and see the new IT movie!"

"No way dude, it's rated R, remember what happened last time we tried to get into a rated R movie?" Kylie said.

"Dude, that was like eight years ago, besides, I'm going to be seventeen in like two weeks anyhow," Stephanie said.

"True, but Kendra's terrified of clowns, remember how one accidentally ran her over with his unicycle?"

"Oh yea," Stephanie sighed, she desperately wanted to see the new IT movie, but she didn't want to see it without her friends.

"Look, I have to go, Mom is calling me for lunch."

Stephanie then heard the sound of the dial tone.

* * *

Kylie hung up the phone, and went downstairs to lunch. She was wearing a green sundress with orange flowers on it, and a pair of green flats. Underneath it, she had on a pair of basic white underwear, and a white 30B bra.

When she reached the kitchen, her nose was hit by the smell of some kosher food.

"It's about time Kylie, we've been calling you for three whole minutes!" her dad scolded in his Jersey accent.

"Give the girl a break Sheldon," Kylie's mom said. Like always, she had her nose buried in her lawyer work.

Her younger sister was not at the table, because she was away at uni, despite only being eleven years old.

Kyle sat down, and began to eat, when her phone started ringing.

"I told you no food at the table," her dad said sternly.

"Oops, sorry, may I be excused?" Kylie asked, already standing up.

"But you've barely touched your food," her dad frowned.

However, her mom said,

"Go ahead, go talk to your friend."

"Thanks Mom!' Kylie exclaimed. She ran upstairs with her curly, waist-length, red hair trailing behind her.

When she reached her bedroom, she answered her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey this is Wendell Testaburger, I'm calling to ask you if um, is Stephanie single?"

Kylie was so excited and shocked she nearly dropped the phone. Stephanie talked constantly about her crush on Wendell, and now, he was calling to ask if she was single!

"Yes, she's single, why are you asking?" Kylie asked casually, trying to play it cool, even though she felt like she was about to explode.

"Good, because my friend Ben has a crush on Stephanie."

"Ben?" Kylie asked, making sure she had heard right. Stephanie couldn't stand Ben! She thought he was a self-absorbed meat-head, who'd date anyone with boobs.

"Yea, I know you're probably surprised he doesn't have a date, but that's because he wanted to take Stephanie."

"Actually, I uh, I just remembered that Stephanie is going with someone from North Park," Kylie lied.

"Oh really? Do I know this someone?" Wendell asked.

"Nope, don't thank so, look, it was nice chatting with you, gotta go, bye bye."

Kylie then hung up the phone before Wendell had time to reply.

She flopped on the bed and sighed, what had she just done?


	2. Chapter 2

Erica clenched her fists as she stormed towards Marjorine Stotch's house. She had planned to spend the day at Stephanie's, maybe playing her Vive like she did every time they didn't have school. However, the hippie called her to tell her that she was spending the day at the mall with that poor bitch Kendra to buy her new clothes and stuff.

Oh well, she didn't need them, Kendra could die on an escalator again for all she cared.

When she reached the annoying girl's house, she stomped up the steps, and rapped loudly on the door.

The door swung open to reveal a girl, who was slightly taller than Erica's 5'4" self. She had her blonde hair in a mo-hawk, and she was wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt with a pair of blue jeans, that had flowers on them.

"Ugh why do you have to be so pathetic Marjorine?" Erica grumbled with an irritated sigh.

"Why what do you mean?" Marjorine asked, knocking her knuckles together.

"Well, first of all," Erica pushed her way past Marjorine, and strode into the house, "You still dress like you're ten years old, and you still try to put on this nice girl act, but I know better."

"W-What do you mean Erica?" Marjorine asked with a nervous chuckle, knocking her knuckles together harder.

Erica whirled around to glare into her blue eyes.

"I know all about the slam book you started about everyone at South Park High!"

"That wasn't me! Remember how upset I was about reading all those comments that one time?"

Erica rolled her eyes.

"Oh yea? What about that time you posted all those rumours about Coon and Friends?"

"Are you spreading lies on the internet again? If you, you are GROUNDED Missy!" a deep voice boomed out from upstairs.

"No dad!" Majorine called back.

"You're eighteen and you still get grounded? Weak dude," Erica laughed.

"Well, I do still live under his roof, so I have to follow his rules."

"Whatever, about the slam book, I want to help," Erica said, remembering the reason she came, other than the fact that she had no one else to hang out with.

"I don't have a slam book."

"Yea, we'll see about that."  
Erica was determined to find that book, and to erase all the bad things about her, which she knew there would be, because everyone was jealous of course, and write in some super mean things about that Jew Kylie!

* * *

"Thank you for taking me shopping girls, I'll be sure to pay you back when I can," Kendra said with a smile as she lugged two arm fulls of shopping bags to the car.

"Don't worry about it," Stephanie waved her off.

"Yea, at least now we won't have our ear drums burst by wolf whistles when you bend over while wearing a short skirt, and no underwear," Kylie said.

"Yea, that can be a bit embarrassing," Kendra said with a nervous chuckle.

They all climbed into the car, and Stephanie popped in a Stone Sour CD.

Kendra preferred country music, however, since it was Stephanie's car, she got to pick the music they listened to.

"So, my house and the vive? I already called Erica and told her that we were spending the day shopping with Kendra," Stephanie said over the music.

"Sure, do you still have that cubicle game?" Kylie asked.

"No dude, that game was boring, I took it off."

"But that was my favourite game!" Kyle huffed, crossing her arms over chest.

"There are plenty of other fun games to play," Stephanie pointed out.

Kendra let out a sigh and plopped her head against the window of the car. She had to deal with her parents fighting all the time, and now her two best friends?

She wanted to speak up and tell them off, but she knew it was no use, they'd just ignore her like they usually did.

She supposed she should be grateful, after all, they had taken her shopping, however, she was tired of feeling invisible all the time.

* * *

By the time Stephanie pulled into the garage, she and Kylie had stopped fighting, and Kendra was snoring loudly in the back seat.

"Kendra!" she yelled. The blonde gasped and jumped up, causing her to hit her head on the roof of the car; she died.

"Oh my god! They killed Kendra!" Stephanie gasped in horror.

"You bastards!" Kylie yelled, shaking her fists.

Stephanie then gathered up her own shopping bags, and she and Kyle walked into the house together.  
Stephanie let out a gasp, and dropped her bags, when she saw her older brother Sheldon sitting in the living room.

What was he doing here? Shouldn't he be away at uni?

She then remembered that today was the first day of summer vacation.

Ugh, great, just great, her day of playing the vive was no going well, first, she and Kylie fought, then Kendra died, and now Sheldon was here. He was going to make her life hell no doubt, she just knew it.

She shuddered as she remembered all the times Sheldon made her his punching bag before he moved out. Not only that, but he was mean to her friends too!

"Close the door Turd! You're letting all the cold air out!" he yelled in his lispy voice. Even though he no longer had braces, he still kept his lisp.

"Wanna go get ice cream?" Kylie asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Stephanie said, and they quickly raced back out the door before Sheldon could stop them.

* * *

"Ugh, why does he always have to come home for summer vacation?" Stephanie grumbled, angrily digging her spoon into her banana split.

"Because he has no friends and this is his only option?" Kylie said, sitting as far away from Stephanie as she could, without actually leaving the table. She hated the smell of bananas.

"I know, but I mean, why can't he just get like his own flat or something?" Stephanie grumbled.

"I don't think he could keep a job with that temper of his," Kylie said. Both girls started laughing together. Their laughter was suddenly cut off, when they saw Crystal Tucker walk in, hand in hand with Twinkie Tweak.

Crystal and Twinkie was the notorious lesbian couple of the school.

Kylie didn't mind lesbians, and Twinkie was nice enough, even if she was a little bit loco in the coco. However, Crystal and her friends were rivals with Kylie and hers.

She turned to see Stephanie glaring angrily at Crystal, no one hated the tall girl more than she did.

"You know they kind of remind me of Mutt and Jeff," Kylie said. She mostly said it to cheer Stephanie up, however, there were truth in her words. Crystal was the tallest girl at school at over 6 feet tall, and Twinkie was the shortest at under five feet.

"You know that Twinkie is short because of all the coffee, and the fact that she never sleeps, also, being stressed out all the time doesn't help."

"You're turning into a gossiping biddy like your father," Stephanie laughed, "Besides, like you have room to talk, you're only like an inch or two taller than she is."  
"Gossiping biddy?" Kylie asked with her brow raised.

Stephanie blushed.

"Sorry, the other day, I overheard Wendell talking about a show, so I decided to give it a shot, and they say it a lot."

"Oh!" Kyle jumped up, suddenly remembering the conversation that she and Wendell had earlier that day.

"Hmm?" Stephanie asked with her brow raised.

"Have you found a date to the the summer bash yet?" Kylie asked, sitting back down.

"Why? Are you asking? I hate to break it to you Ky, but despite all the rumours, I'm not les."

"No, no," Kylie laughed, "It's just that, well, Ben wants to take you."

"Ew."

"Yea, I know that's what I told Wendell-"

"Wendall called you?" Stephanie exclaimed, cutting her friend off.

Kylie nodded.

"Yea, Wendell called and-"

"Did he ask about taking me to the summer bash?"

"No, I just told you that Ben wants to take you," Kylie said.

Stephanie let out a sigh, if she had been a balloon, she probably would have deflated.

"Sorry dude, anyway, I told Wendell that you were going with someone from North Park, so you wouldn't have to go with Ben."

"Thanks, but I don't know if I want to go, I mean, it's going to be hard seeing Wendell there with someone else, I mean, she's probably going to go with Georgette or Tara," Stephanie sighed.

"Georgette moved back to England, and Tara is dating Nick remember?"

"Oh yea."

"Come on, we're going to find you a handsome date, and Wendell will regret not asking you to the summer bash himself!" Kylie exclaimed with determination in her voice.

"But I just want to go with Wendell."

Kylie groaned and plopped back down in the seat.

"You're hopeless."

"I know."

"Just don't turn goth again, okay?"

"Whatever."

Kylie sighed and stared down at her ice cream, or the goopy mess that was left of it, she now had a new task, get Wendell and Stephanie together before Stephanie turned into a goth again!

* * *

 _A/N:_

 _Guest: I described their bras and underwear, because I know some people would be curious about their chest sizes, and no one wears bras without underwear, that'd be silly._

 _Don't worry though, I only did it for the main four._

 _A/N 2: I just remembered in the last chapter I said that Stephanie (Stan's) birthday is two weeks away, even though it's only like the beginning of summer in the fic, and his birthday is in October, oops._

 _Just pretend like it said two months and not two weeks or something._

 _Anyway, thanks for reading, following, favouriting, and reviewing._


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